Damn You, JR Ward

SM, Bi, Dominant, mono-testicled, tattooed, smoker, alcoholic, demigod, vampire, with commitment issues seeks MM alcoholic vampire for hugs, long walks at night through the city, dirty fight'n, drink'n and more.

Ah, Lover Unbound. You know, if she had just gone that route, I'd have been a very happy camper. I mean, those two could have just sucked up lessers, drank bucket loads of fancy shmancy booze, and laid each other endlessly in their little guy hovel of darkness and designer clothes and all would be right with the world. The book could have revolved around getting the other dudes used to the man lovin' thing and ditching Marissa. JR Ward spent a great amount of time setting the stage for the two halves to become whole, right? Well, we all knew it was too good to be true. While there are a few satisfying moments of V actually owning up to his man love for Butch (and Butch being a bit Jerry Seinfield, not that there's anything wrong with that), it just isn't going to happen, ladies. Also depressing is that we won't ever get to experience just a leeettle more rolling around on the bed "healing" Butch, added with nice touching and groping and more touching of flesh, and maybe a hint of tongue action? No? Is it just me? Clearly not, by the look of the other postings around the net. Looks to me like quite a few readers long to see something less platonic going on between the two males.

But I digress.

So. Avast! Spoilers ahead!

JR Ward's latest installment in the Black Dagger Brotherhood tells the tale of Vishous, who apparently doesn't have a last name (as that's not the hip and now thing amongst the vampire dudes), a vampire with a violent, lonely, creepy past and who just so happens to be the son of a goddess. Or something powerful and weird. The Scribe Virgin is this cat's momma and she has parenting problems, that's for sure. Being the son of the SV and some horrifying, sodomizer dude called the Bloodletter (a man clearly not worthy of a silent H) curses V with amazing powers of self delusion and the inability to recover psychologically from a testicle-ectomy (granted a brutal one) for, like, 300 years. Now THAT'S amazing. Isn't this brother supposed to be the smartest vampire, ever? He also has a glowy hand that incinerates all kinds of stuff and a wacky eye that allows him to foretell events. He's joe psychic. Except for the fact that that particular ability has dried up and he just doesn't know why. Poor V. All of this and the inability to have vanilla sex make for one f-ed up vampire. Bachelor number one, come on down!

Goddamn it, I like V. From the onset, he's compelling and, damn her, Ward makes me care about him. That's what she does best. She draws us into this violent, slightly homoerotic, vampire world of the Brotherhood, feeding us tidbits of their relationships, building our interest in each vampire boy, and reeling us in book by book. V? He's convoluted and complicated and, best of all, he likes it rough. He's somewhat disturbed by his guy love, which really really really bothers me about this story, FYI, but he is trying to move past his thang for Butch now that Butch is in happy commitment land with that wank Marissa. (I don't like her). V's trying to deal with his family issues, his loss of power, his overwhelming attraction to his BFF and his disinterest in wild, hot, waxy sex (Not to mention his crotchless chaps. I have GOT to get some of those for the old man. heh.). He's at a cross road and he knows it. Hot damn, I love this guy.

So pages and pages go by with all sorts of plot stuff unfolding with the BDB and their shellans and their stupid addiction issues (Phury), and more blatant "you must buy my next book" intrigue, and the obligatory lesser crap (although, blessedly, not from their POV) when suddenly, something cool and exciting happens! V is horrified to find out that he has been slated since birth to be the great impregnater of the Chosen, those hot vampire nuns from another realm. Poor V! 40 virgins for him alone. I mean, what's a dom to do? Next thing you know, he gets shot and he's shipped off to the human hospital for a date with destiny.

Enter Jane! She's tall, she's flat chested, she's a freakin' smarty pants with a terrible family history involving oatmeal and a dead sister (uh...can I just say that the foreshadowing with the ghost of the dead sister was obvious), she's from Connecticut, and she's a doctor. Damn her. I'm not a doctor. Crap. I just can't compete. See, this is why I adore Bella: she's a jobless stay at home mom-to-be with no skills except for her magically delicious wee wee of love that heals Z forever. I love her. But Jane? Ok, I like her, I do. She's spunky and bossy and she gets all up in V's grill and he loves it! It makes him want to have sex! In the missionary position! Maybe someday! First however, they will have some other hot luvin going on. He kidnaps her and keeps her in his little room in the Butch/V jock-dorm with all his empty booze bottles and taco hell wrappers. The stage is set for some real relationship building...or something.

Then all this stuff happens with other characters, including some of the best and most touching scenes in the entire freaking series between Z and John Matthew. It's as if Ward understands Z's character better than any of the other brothers (me too!) because his character continues to develop, while everyone else stays true to their own stereotype (Rhage with his lollipop, The Blind one whipping off his glasses to make a point...my dad used to do that....Phury smoking weed and whining...come to think of it, my dad did that, too). I found myself enjoying Z's scenes as much as V's. What's with all these fn letters, anyway? I also love the development of John Matthew's character. But too much time is spent preparing us for future books, which I guess is ok because, dude, her books sell. (Every single store I went to had this book on the shelves. But could I find Nalini Singh's new book (the anthology?) NO!) Ward gears us up for the next couple of installments by writing about all these characters in the wings. I'm in. I swear, because these guys are just fun. But, damn it, where is V?

Back to our story.

So V is in this ghastly situation where he must give up his female and go make babies with the nuns when, with jaw dropping predictability, Phury steps up to the plate. 200 years is just too long to go without getting laid (I'll say). We meet his shellan to be, and pages and pages are spent on this, which I slogged through. SHE IS A DOORMAT. And Phury? This brother has got to get a grip. He pissed me off. He's constantly stoned and stumbling around being a complete a-hole. Whining and limping and trying to get his head bashed in with a baseball bat. That guy is just a jerk. Thank goodness he's hung like the rest of the Brotherhood.

Phury saves the day and off V runs to find his Jane. The book gets very sad and very dark at this point and many people are upset with the outcome. The resolution of Jane's tragedy has brought on much conversation on what a real Happily Ever After is, and how Ward could throw in some new element without preparing us. Let's face it, there are readers who are pissed at this ending. I'm not one of them. I'm more likely to get pissed off at being spoon fed drek than I am getting a surprise ending. It worked for me. Z, no wait, V finally gets to use his little torchy hand with out that nasty glove on all the time. (Question: Doese he wash that thing? Or have more than one, cuz it grosses me OUT.) He has his chick, she'll never die or get old, she's flesh for him (which I guess resolves the blood thing?) and she can still do her doctor job. It's all good and happy. A bit weird, but holy shit, the entire brotherhood is weird.

My biggest complaint? I could have used about 10 more scenes of V and Jane. Isn't this his book? It would have made the attraction and relationship between V and Jane develop more believably. I thought that their story was beautiful. The trust, the way she opened up to him and vise versa, the table turning sex in the penthouse (yowza), his sudden ability to love: it was great. But it was all together too short in a book that was 500 pages. I felt jipped by that, not the ghosting of Jane.

All in all, a good read. The BDB series remain one of my favorite guilty pleasures.

Question: Why didn't Dr. Jane, a board certified (ok, I'm guessing) surgeon, tell Vishous that there are surgical, corrective procedures to help him with his lack-of-ball? You'd think she'd have said, "Hey baby, this is no big deal, we correct these all the time." I'm just wondering.