The Dark Horse: Josh Lanyon

I bought The Dark Horse the other night in a festival of all that is master card. It was the only Lanyon book over at Loose-Id I hadn't yet read, and you know how it goes when you're systematically reading through someone's backlist. You start to notice patterns, hear the same voice, things get a little repetitive. Books become indistinguishable. Damn. He made it sound like a naughty download! I was under the impression that this book was smuttier, dirtier, more romantica and less plot and character driven.

I waited to buy it. I'm a dummy.

So this is the story about a recently stalked and terrified gay actor and the cop assigned to protect him. The openly gay, older (heh), experienced and wicked masculine Dan, mmm, has made the move from Sean's protector to Sean's lover . The book opens after the stalker has been killed in an auto accident and Dan and Sean are tentatively beginning their relationship. Dan has moved into Sean's place and the two of them are feeling their way into each others lives.

Sean is lovely, though fragile. Scared and scarred. He has twice recovered from depression and this underlying fear of reoccurrence haunts Sean, Dan, and Sean's manager (and former love) Steve. Sean's voice is clear, honest, fearful, angry and determined. The first person POV should be limiting, but Sean's internal conversation reveals much about those around him. Especially Dan. I'm sure I know who the bad guy is and what not...but as usual I'm captivated by Josh's ability to delve into the mind of his main character.

Sean is hell bent on landing the role of Laurie in a movie adaptation of the book The Charioteer a, and shit I know I'm saying this badly, gay classic ( and I say that wincing, but I'm not sure how else to phrase it. So feel free to smack me upside the head). The book resonates in Sean, and became an anchor for him in a deeply troubling period in his life. I have to wonder if it did to Josh as well. You can feel something bigger here. But perhaps that's simply a product of good story telling. I can't tell you enough how smart this writer is. I honestly thought Dark Horse was either a porno movie reference (ok ok. I'm a skank.) or it was a hot cowboy novel. But no. Dark Horse enchanted me from the moment Sean begins to describe The Charioteer.

"Who does he choose?"

"He chooses the dark horse. He chooses life with all its complexities and contradictions and disappointments and...delights." I half-swallowed on the last word, surprising myself by my own intensity. I tried to explain, "I read it when I was....ill."

I met Dan's eyes. In the wavering candlelight his gaze was attentive, understanding. I had to look away. Maybe it would have been easier if he had just laughed.

......

I nodded. "It...helped. the book, I mean. It helped a lot. It convinced me that there were people out there like me. Men like me. And that they were decent and honorable and courageous, not the warped diseased things that my parents believed in."

God, how much had I drunk? I couldn't believe I'd told him that. I wished he would say something. I felt naked: I had said too much. I shrugged. "I can't put it into words. It struck a chord with me. It struck a chord with a lot of people. It's considered a classic."

"I'll have to read it one of these days." He covered my hand with his.

"Or maybe you can just see the movie." Belatedly I was the one trying for lightness.

"I'll be there in the front row."

It's spare and still rich in emotion. Josh has an ability to rise above the sexual content and expose the very heart of a character. I realized 3/4 of the way into this book (duh me) that the themes within The Charioteer run parallel to the story line. Forgive me for underestimating it. Cripes, it's just a little dirty download, right???? The Dark Horse wasn't an either/or. Both of these men are the dark horse, having to reach beyond their past, their expectations, their inability to trust, their unwillingness to be vulnerable, to show their true selves...and finally, at the end of this book, they make love (man style) for the first "real" time. Inside Sean's battered mind and trembling body, with Dan in control, we glipse exquisite eroticism and haunting beauty. Real romance.

Because this book is short, the romatic suspense and the availability of multiple in depth characters is limited. I wish we'd had more suspects lounging about, because I knew instinctively what was going on. And there were moments when Sean was a tad TSTL to not see it. I thought, are you kidding? There he is!!!! HE'S RIGHT THERE!!! Goddamn it. Don't listen to that fucker! Are you stupid??? But it's tight. Josh doesn't put in anything that isn't necessary to the story. He doesn't fuck around with red herrings and fluff. He's delivering emotion. I don't know if that's his intent...I mean, what do I know? But that's how it read to me.

Garh. He makes me crazy cuz it's sooooo good, but so goddamn atypical of what's out there. His stories never end with a wedding, baby, ring, sashaying down the lane hand in hand with song birds and the blooms of spring. They end manly. With a smile in the dark. A pithy comment. They end on the sweet breath of relief and the slightest inkling of hope but no guarantee.

Thumbs Up. More. More. More. And if I don't find something to bitch about soon, I'm going to lose all credibility.

On a totally separate and personal note: My oldest was Adelaide in Guys and Dolls last night and she brought down the fucking house in a brilliant ad lib that garnered her minutes and minutes of uncontrollable laughter by parents, students, faculty, cast and crew. I keep thinking that stupid line "My heart is full." Way to end your high school drama career with a bang, sugar. You rock.