Friday, April 25, 2008

You Doubted Me....

The Unfeasibly Tall Greek Billionaire's Blackmailed Martyr-Complex Secretary Mistress Bride

If you haven't a friggin' clue what I'm talking about, you should start at T's. Then CJ. Chapter 3 with Kate. Next Carrie. Pork Chop eyes with Ann (if that ain't the winning-est phrase evah, IDK what is). I'm after POINTS. I have a few things to fess up to before we wade through the quagmire that is my category romance attempt. I went over my 750 words by adding the epilogue. Oops. I mixed some things up for my own enjoyment. It was all I COULD DO not to add a taste of m/m tension....heh. And CJ gave me some pointers on disciplining a paragraph that was playin' me. We set that biotch straight.



Chapter 6


….as the global hummus industry continues its domination of the protein enriched snack food market, I would like to draw your attention to the next—"

“Molly!”

Molly snapped her mouth shut and shifted her gaze from the hastily crafted, sub-par, PowerPoint presentation. The unfeasibly tall form of Nico, ruler of all he purveyed, stood giant-like at the back of the packed grand ballroom of the Falafel Fairways Resort and Conference Center, drawing every eye.

“Nico?”

He was angry, and of course he had every right to be. She should have known better than to let herself enjoy a moment of happiness on behalf of the orphans. He had misconstrued her dancing with the Hottest Priest in the Greek Isles for something tawdry. Oh, she was doing her best to make up for it, standing in her grandmother's beloved prairie dress discussing market share with 1000 sweaty conventioneers. She only wanted to please him! 
Molly sighed. Swallowing her pride, she considered the fate of the orphans. To her consternation, her nipples hardened.

He ran toward the stage. He hadn't returned the 27 messages she'd left on his All UR HUMMUS R BELONG 2 US company expensed cell phone. She needed to apologize. But what was the point? Nico never believed her. To her consternation, her nipples hardened.

“If you’d care to have a seat next to Mr. Dimitrakisitisapoulis, the Mikkinian Moussaka Magnate,” she indicated a furry man in the third row with her laser pointer,” I’d like to cont—“

“I’m not here to disc
uss acquisitions, Molly!” Nico thundered, his voice filling the sweltering silence. 1000 pair of curious eyes shifted to focus on Niko, his arms akimbo. “I’m here to tell you that you are not a whore!”

Molly quivered in shame. “Mr. Lefkas!"

“You had never parted those succulent yet trim thighs for any man until I rode you like the
gloriously unfettered pink pony I always dreamed of. I tore your fragile maidenhead, and I came, roaring my pleasure into your deflowered ears.” Nico paused.

Molly gasped, clutching the silver macramé macaroni crucifix
little Michael Grecopholotopolis had crafted for her as she sobbed her thanks to the half naked priest earlier that day. To her consternation, her nipples hardened.

“When I knelt before the altar of commerce, pledged myself to the sacred order of the tahini brotherhood, and took up the reigns of the global hummus industry, I promised myself, someday, a worthy virgin would stand beside me and powder the chafed arses of orphans everywhere.” To Nico’s consternation, his nipples hardened.

“But, Mr. Lefkas, earlier today you said—“

“Molly, I dem
and that you forget everything I’ve ever said.” Nico vaulted onto the stage. “Come, Molly.” To her consternation, Molly’s nipples hardened. “Take my hand and together we shall create an unfeasibly loud dynasty of rash resistant hummus tycoon babies. I promise to keep your muffin buttered with my protein enriched spread for the remainder of our natural lives.”

“Nico, I don’t deserve you! Surely you could find a woman for whom diaper rash holds less interest!” Oh, what was the point? Nico never believed her.

“As true as that might have been yesterday, my love, today I learned that you are innocent.”

“How? When—”

“I eavesdropped on your private conversation with that representative from an outdated religious order and denied you your privacy for my own gain. You are clean!”

"But, Nico—"

“Will you forgive me?” To their mutual consternation, nipples hardened in rapid succession.

“Oh, Nico!" Molly opened her arms, the laser pointer finding its target on the beaded pearl of his left nipple. Licking her perfectly proportioned lips, she pressed her succulent mouth against his in a shocking display of self worth. “But what of the orphans? They demand the precious salve only I can deliver.”

“I love you, Molly. I am a billionaire and the global hummus market is at my disposal!” He laughed, sweeping Molly and her yards of musty calico into his unfeasibly strong arms. Nico stormed from the stage, 2000 legume stained hands clapped in syncopated rhythm with his lust filled heart.

“I love you, t—“

“I know.” Nico ducked behind the velvet curtains, his rock hard manhood demanding the attention of his blushing secretary. “I need you, now” He ordered pushing her down into a pool of Tabu scented cotton. To her consternation, her nipples hardened. “But Nico, there are peop—

“Molly, you mustn’t deny me. We have the rest of our married lives for that.” No, she couldn’t deny him. Unzipping his chickpea colored batiste trousers, she released his slithering one eyed python of promise and kissed its eager, drooling head.

As it would for the rest of her life, the taste of tahini, garlic and garbanzo filled her mouth. Nico came, roaring his pleasure.

Epilogue


Dogs and ponies play happily on the rolling lawn with the Lefkas’ gifted, attractive, precocious, exceedingly clean six children: Olympia, Helena, Athena, Anthopoloupisis, and the twins: Peloponnesia and Bibby. Molly ages beautifully and butters her muffin each and every morning, to her husband’s approval. Nico, silver streaks gracing his temples, unfeasibly good looking and still, somehow, in his prime, continues to roar his pleasure; frequently all over poor Molly’s muffin.

42 comments:

Anne Douglas said...

"You had never parted those succulent yet trim thighs for any man until I rode you like the gloriously unfettered pink pony I always dreamed of. I tore your fragile maidenhead, and I came, roaring my pleasure into your deflowered ears.”

Holy mother of...

Oh very nice, veeery nice!!
(and I'm glad I put the coke down BEFORE I started reading!)

Carrie Lofty said...

I promised myself, someday, a worthy virgin would stand beside me and powder the chafed arses of orphans everywhere.

Ah, Nico. Don't all men swear this in their youth? Good job, lisabea. I snorted right proper.

lisabea said...

I've been snorting my way through the entire thing. I didn't read the chapters until it was my turn. I read them all at once...like a book. So funny. At least to us.

MaryKate said...

*big, happy sigh*

So, so perfect. A deeply worthy ending to the best HQP-spoof I've ever read.

Anyone know where I can find myself a Moussaka Magnate who will dole out some punishing kisses??

Katie(babs) said...

"Mr. Dimitrakisitisapoulis, the Mikkinian Moussaka Magnate" That is quite a tongue twister!

"Unfettered pink pony"??? LMFAO!!!

My first born will be names Peloponnesia.

I can't stop laughing!!

Katie(babs) said...

One eyed python of promise indeed

sula said...

“Molly, you mustn’t deny me. We have the rest of our married lives for that.”

lmao. Oh and Nico's nipples hardening....priceless.

Way to go, lb! Gosh, this has been so much fun.

Katie(babs) said...

We need a sequel with one of their children! *hint hint wink wink*

kim said...

Absolutely fantastic ending to TUTGBBMCSMB! Right this minute,I am clapping with my legume stained hands, and roaring my pleasure.

Good job LB!

lisabea said...

Katie(babs)~Python was for that thread over at Sybil's. The Purple Python of LOVE.

There will be a rocky history for Peloponnesia. Poor dear.

MaryKate~Moussaka Magnate. Just add breath spray....

Sula~I was surprised that Molly never came, roaring her pleasure. I exceeded my word count. She should have come. ONCE.

Carolyn Jean said...

What a fabulous job! I love so much here, but right now I'm loving this:
"roaring my pleasure into your deflowered ears."

I am sure Nico will be appearing on favorite hero lists for a long time to come.

lisabea said...

Kim~We should all vow to roar our pleasure. OMG. The significant others will be all: "What the hell was that? Are you ok? Should I call an ambulance?"

lisabea said...

I liked that he paused. Do you think MAYBE Nico got it? No?

Ann Aguirre said...

This was made of win. On stage, no less. Awesome job!

kim said...

LB- Good idea! I will practice roaring right now so it doesn't sound fake.

Oops, it makes my dogs cry...I must not be doing it right.

And I think my kitten is dead.

lisabea said...

KIM~ LMFAO!!!! You need to carry that gum around with you. As a reminder. Or perhaps buy more kittens.

Ann~You are a hard act to follow. I had to shoplift your buttered muffin. Mmmm, too delicious not to share.

lisabea said...

Kitten reference:

http://lisabea.blogspot.com/2008/04/is-it-already-wednesday.html

Kate R said...

Oh god, yes, YES. I'm roaring my pleasure.

azteclady said...

I never doubted! *lightning strikes*



:grin:

meljean brook said...

When Nico's nipples hardened, Meljean came, roaring her pleasure.



And laughing her ass off.

Kerry Allen said...

Deflowered ears?

UR DOIN IT RONG!!!1!!!

And you included the drooling genitals. Well played, m'dear. Well played indeed.

Katie(babs) said...

I wonder what deflowered ears feel like? I have this visual of shucking corn for some reason.

lisabea said...

Meljean~ That's 20 points for Meljean. Woot!


Kerry Allen~I think Nico may need to see a urologist. It's all that blasted hummus.

Katie(babs)~Heh. I read this wonderful book recently. After reading a discussion about eyes that shoot fire and what not, I thought, why not pick on the ears. Uh. Figuratively.

Phyllis said...

Excellent. Well done to all the authors :)

I don't often actually LOL, but it was building and you totally got me on Peloponnesia and ....Bibby.

LorelieLong said...

“I’m here to tell you that you are not a whore!”

That's where I started to do the silent office-laugh so as not to be overheard with the not-working.

“that representative from an outdated religious order . . . You are clean!”

That's where I lost my shit and had to shut down the browser asap in fear that someone would hear me giggling and come look.

bettie said...

A tour de force! I'm late to TUTGBBMCSMB, but, oh, what a marvelous romp it is. Great finale, lisabea! Great job, everyone!

lisabea said...

“that representative from an outdated religious order . . . You are clean!”

I am kicking myself for not calling them penguins. DAMN IT.'

Lyvvie said...

I have thoroughly enjoyed the whole series - thank you so much. All those hard nipples! Beaded pearl nipples no less! And what woman wouldn't fall into hopeless love with a man who just announced to a room full of strangers that she wasn't a whore. Bless.

Tabu scented cotton!! Exhibitionism!

Amazing.

Tumperkin said...

(Apologies if this is a slightly different version of a previous comment - Blogger ate my last attempt).

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!

L - you scored an amazing..................186 points!!!!!

Here's the breakdown:

1-pointers - 12
10-pointers - 8
Deductions - 1 point for going over word count
95 bonus points:
- Falafel Fairways Resort and Conference Center [5]
- her grandmother's beloved prairie dress [5]
- Mr. Dimitrakisitisapoulis, the Mikkinian Moussaka Magnate [5]
- I’m here to tell you that you are not a whore! [5]
- I tore your fragile maidenhead, and I came, roaring my pleasure into your deflowered ears [5]
- pledged myself to the sacred order of the tahini brotherhood [5]
- I promised myself, someday, a worthy virgin would stand beside me and powder the chafed arses of orphans everywhere [5]
- a bonus for hardening Nico's nipples [5]
- together we shall create an unfeasibly loud dynasty of rash resistant hummus tycoon babies [5]
- To their mutual consternation, nipples hardened in rapid succession. [BIG BONUS 20 POINTS FOR DOUBLE NIPS-HARDENING!]
- Molly, you mustn’t deny me. We have the rest of our married lives for that. [5]
- she released his slithering one eyed python of promise and kissed its eager, drooling head [5]
- As it would for the rest of her life, the taste of tahini, garlic and garbanzo filled her mouth [BIG BONUS 10 POINTS!]
- For the Epilogue -[10]


It's a triumph!! Well done. I'll need your snail mail to send you your amazing prize.

Carolyn Jean said...

Congratulations, LB. Whoa, 186 points!! Gadzooks. Did I really just type that?

Katie(babs) said...

What's LB's prize? Molly's muffin?

Anonymous said...

ROTFLALAL. OMG this was like, nipple-hardening festival!! I can't belive the sheer absurdity of this. Awesome. I haven't read the other entries (planned to, but after I started this chapter I couldnt tear myself away), but I'm sure you more than deserve the prize. I think Nico's hardening nipples are my favorite part. Although it might be a tie with the eager tahini-tasting drooling python of promise :-DD

Mary M.

P.S. I really can't wait to read your M/M originals :-D

vanessa jaye said...

LMAO! There were so many choice tid-bits to chose from, then I read this: "pushing her down into a pool of Tabu scented cotton"

Sooo drug-store 80's. lol. (and goes so well with his nylon socks. lol)

Katrina said...

"Licking her perfectly proportioned lips, she pressed her succulent mouth against his in a shocking display of self worth."

Go, Molly, you work that dignity, girl!

Awesome chapter :)

lisabea said...

Lyvvie& Venessa~Tabu!It was the scent of Grandmas everywhere. So 1980. And Love's Baby Soft was the scent of 9th grade. Ew.

Tumperkin~I had no idea. I just kept throwing as much in as I could. I'll send my snail mail. And, T, you rule for coming up with this! Yay for T!

CJ~186. Holy shit.

Katie(babs)~heh. Molly's buttered muffin (stolen from Ann's chapter).

Mary~You have to read all the others. It'll make much more sense. And T is a genius for coming up with this.

Katrina~Thank you. I just hope that Molly has the opportunity to roar a few times in her future.

Ally Blue said...

I was surprised that Molly never came, roaring her pleasure. I exceeded my word count. She should have come. ONCE.
But she can't come, she's a MARTYR!

Heh *g*

Y'all, if all the old romance books were this hysterical, I would've been reading them all along instead of Stephen King and Clive Barker. Thanks all six of you for the laughs :D And go LB for racking up the points, yay!
**nipples hardening**

Sarah McCarty said...

LOL! never did we doubt you. Excellent. *laughing still in a totally good way*

lisabea said...

Thanks Ally and Sarah! I've been out prom dress shopping with the Big Girl. Phew. There's a lot of beaded ugly out there.

Carrie Lofty said...

Congrats, Lisabea. Being a part of this was a hoot :)

Bridget Locke said...

This was awesome! I laughed so hard I cried! :D


Congrats on your win. Excellent job!

lisabea said...

Thanks Carrie and Bridget. I have to wonder what madness we'll all come up with next.

Anonymous said...

I finally read the others chapters. They are all excellent, but yours is still the most over-the-top and I love that. I'm still not over the slithering python, the prairie dress, and nipples hardening in quick succession. It was also nice that this being the HEA, Nico was simply a pompous and overbearing idiot instead of an utter asshole :) I'm trying to imagine where you could have put a hint of M/M...Nico's nipples hardening as he thinks back of Father Apollo's naked chest, perhaps? Oh that could have been good!

And I was reading a romance when I came back home Friday night and I couldn't help smiling like a loon in the bus every time I read about hardening nipples. 4 times in 25 pages. I'd never specially noticed the empasis put on that before. Thanks to this serial, my eyes are now wide open.

Mary M